Sacrifice Held
by crhendrix523
Summary: Ten years after her best friends death, Lissa is visited by an old friend who takes her on a journey to face her past and confront her fears. Together with her husband, can she use her magic and find repentance for Rose's death?
1. An old friend

There was a knock on the door. It startled me for several reasons. The first, I was not expecting anyone, the second, I did not sense their aura as I usually did when we had guests and the third, we lived in a very rural province of Siberia. Unexpected visitors were very uncommon. I turned towards the kitchen window where I saw my husband, busy in the garden, completely oblivious. The soft light of the setting sun made him glow. I smiled. For a moment I even wondered if I had heard the knock at all. My thoughts were shattered when I heard the knock again. This time, my husband looked up and met my gaze. He had heard it too. His eyes told me to stay where I was as he quickly approached. I didn't listen and we both made our way, cautiously towards the front door. I noticed that he held a silver stake in his hand. Where it had materialized from, I hadn't a clue. I was immediately glad that he was my guardian as well as my husband. He gently pulled me behind him as he gripped the doorknob, his first instinct would always be to protect me, and then, he opened it.

"Hello, Lissa," the visitor greeted. He was Moroi, and American. I realized that and it surprised me. It surprised me further that I couldn't see his aura. I didn't recognize him, but no one had called me Lissa in ages. I stared at him curiously. He was probably a little older than me, maybe around my husbands age, and his careless smirk and casual expression did look familiar. I gasped in recognition. Suddenly, memories from my childhood, memories from when I was in school, and memories of _her_ flooded to my mind. I cried out in Russian and ran to embrace him. My husband stepped aside. Whether he knew who this man was or not, I didn't know, but he seemed to trust my judgment enough to hide the stake behind his back.

"Adrian," I breathed, "What are you _doing_ here?" I asked incredulously in English. I hadn't seen him in nearly a decade. The memory of the last time I'd seen him brought a very painful stab to my heart. I stepped aside and welcomed the man into our house. He smiled serenely. I could feel the joy radiating from him as he looked at me. He glanced over at my husband and his gaze settled on his face.

"Demitri," he greeted my husband. It was not a kind greeting, only polite. Demitri smiled grimly and nodded at him. I could see pain in my husband's expression and then in a flash, it was gone. I stared at him curiously, and then I remembered. Rose. Of course Demitri knew Adrian. Not only did he know him, Adrian was probably bringing back very painful memories of Rose.

"Vasya," Demitri said, pulling me out of my thoughts. I focused on him, "I'm going to be in the kitchen," he said meaningfully. He meant he was going to be around the corner and would be back in a heartbeat if I needed him for anything. He must have deduced that Adrian wasn't a threat to me. I nodded.

"Thank you, Dimka," I said fondly. I touched his cheek with my hand and stared deep into his eyes, trying to heal the pain that I knew he was feeling. He kissed my hand and then, he was gone. I gestured for Adrian to sit in the living room. He obliged. I sat across from him and studied him for a while. He looked almost the same as he always had, his brown hair was a careful, untidy mess and his eyes were full of the playful twinkle he always held. He was wearing very ordinary Russian clothing which surprised me, completely opposite the Adrian I had known. Something twanged in my stomach as I began to wonder why he was here. He must have purposely sought us out, sought me out, but for what reason?

"Vasya? Dimka? You would almost think that you two were a perfect little Russian family," Adrian joked. I made a face. He hadn't changed.

"Don't be mean," I scolded, he sighed, still smiling.

"Ah, Lissa," he said, I waited, expecting him to elaborate, but he didn't. We sat there, quietly, listening to the clock tick by on the mantle. I wanted to pretend that this was just a normal visit from an old friend, that there was no ulterior motive, but I knew Adrian.

"Adrian," I said. I seemed to snap him out of some sort of reverie. He stared at me, his eyes wide, as if he didn't recognize me for a second, then, the confusion was gone. I thought for a second, maybe it was my imagination.

"There's something I need to ask you, cousin," he said. I straightened my posture. His tone was very serious, a tone I hardly recognized Adrian to have. I knew that this was why he came, and I braced myself. I could feel Demitri's presence in the kitchen. He also, was probably holding his breath. "I need you to heal someone for me,"

I sat back in my chair, my mind churning. It must be very important to Adrian for him to search us out for this request. Demitri had made certain that we would be nearly impossible to find here. Adrian must have gone through painstaking avenues to find us. Yes, this must be very important to him indeed. Another thought ran through my head, why couldn't Adrian heal them himself? By the time Dimitri and I disappeared, Adrian was very much improving in his healing abilities. There were few wounds, short of death that he couldn't heal.

"You want _me_," I repeated. Adrian smirked and I held my hand up, stopping him before the sarcastic comment could roll off of his tongue. "Please explain more," at my request his expression changed. He did genuinely look pained.

"I can't," he said, I almost thought he was joking. Surely he didn't expect me to go back with him with such little information. I just stared at him in silence. I crossed my arms over my chest. He leaned back in his chair. After a while I reached into my pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. The surprise on Adrian's face was comical as I lit it and took a long drag. "When did you start _smoking_?" I offered him one and he declined. I was equally shocked.

"When did you stop?" I asked, blowing smoke out of the side of my mouth. Smoking was a habit I had picked up since I moved here. It was calming. It was relaxing, and I found, I could heal the damage that it did to my lungs.

"She asked me to," he said quietly, glancing away from me. I froze. I remembered now. That was so long ago. It seemed like a completely different lifetime. Rose hated smoking. I hadn't thought of that when I started. I smiled, picturing her expression if she could see me smoking now. The smile was wiped off my face as another image entered my head. Her expression if she knew I was married to Demitri. Her Demitri.

"I haven't healed in a long time, Adrian," I said. I was shaking my head now, puffing lightly on my cigarette. He nodded his acknowledgment. After a minute, I rubbed the cigarette stub out in a nearby ash tray. I looked back at my guest. I plastered a smile on my face, warm and welcome.

"Stay for dinner," I said brightly and stood up. I didn't give him a chance to answer as I walked out of the room and into the kitchen.

"Don't," Demitri had already begun speaking as I entered the kitchen. I looked at him unsmiling. He knew already what I was thinking. "I know what you want to do. Vasya, he's going to drag you back to court and you're going to get wrapped up in all the politics that we left. We left, remember? We _left_ that place," I nodded and leaned back against the kitchen counter. He was a lot more desperate than he was revealing in his voice. I knew why. I knew why he didn't want me to go back there. As my guardian, he would follow me, and being back in that place was too much for him to bear. I knew that we didn't just leave because of the politics of the court. I wasn't naïve and I wasn't stupid. Demitri and I had left because of Rose. I went to him then, wrapping him in my arms. He was surprised, but I felt his arms come around me and hold me too.

I knew that Demitri had never truly gotten over Rose Hathaway. In truth, I hadn't either. When we ran away together, it was only a union of convenience. We both were in pain. We both needed to get away. It was logical to go together. At first, we just traveled. We used my money and just wandered aimlessly around the world. We didn't think about Rose. We never spoke of her. We just moved, like gypsies across countries. Demitri requested that we stayed for a spell in his hometown in Siberia. I had agreed, I could deny him nothing. The spell had turned into a year, the year into two and so on. We soon bought a house in the country and began living together. Our relationship had blossomed during this time and we decided to get married. I knew, through all of it, though. He would always look at me and see Rose.


	2. Agreed

We held each other for a short time, and then seemed to remember that Adrian was in the other room. I stepped away and began busying myself with the preparations for dinner.

" I wonder who it is," I voiced aloud. It had to be someone extremely important to Adrian. I began running through names in my mind. Dimitri was leaning casually against the counter, staring at nothing on the ground. He shrugged.

"Would that make a difference?" he asked. He knew me too well. I had already been planning on helping Adrian, as soon as he asked. I just didn't know why. I stopped working and looked at him. I decided that I was going to get this information out of him. If he needed me as bad as he was acting, then he would have to tell me. I walked back into the living room, Dimitri taking my place with making the meal.

Adrian was standing at the bookshelf, flipping through an old text. He looked up when I entered and smiled.

"Did you ask dad?" he asked. I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes.

"I can't go back, Adrian," I said simply. An expression I could only interpret as shock crossed his face. He didn't expect me to refuse him.

"Because _he _said no?" he asked. His voice carried an edge of irritation. I narrowed my eyes.

"Dimitri does not make decisions for me," I snapped. He closed the book and placed it back on the shelf.

"Why not then?" he asked.

"There's a reason I left, Adrian," my voice was pained, my eyes pleading for him not to make me elaborate. I was disappointed.

"Why?"He knew he was prodding me now, "You abandoned us. You and Dimitri both. You just left without a word. Is that what Christian would have wanted? " he demanded. His voice was cold and piercing. I flinched. I couldn't think about Christian. After what happened, everything in my world shattered. I didn't know up from down, right from left. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't talk or even breathe. My entire being was disrupted. The bond that we shared made it so much worse. I felt agony and every time I thought of it. I couldn't even face the pain of losing him. I pushed it back forced myself to forget. I knew that I had to run. I had to go far away and try to forget. I needed to forget everything, even him. I never had though. Christian's love still echoed softly every time I kissed Dimitri, it pulsed through me every time I touched him. After a while, I learned to accept its presence, and ignore it. Dimitri and I were a perfect match it seemed, both of us seeking someone else in each other's arms.

"That was so long ago," I murmured. Adrian's expression turned angry.

"Do you think that matters? No one heard from you again, you left _everyone _who cared about you," I shook my head. I felt the tears forming in my eyes as he spoke.

"Don't, Adrian," I said. He opened his mouth to say something else, but shut it again, changing his mind. I took a deep breath and exhaled, the tears went away. "Tell me who you want me to heal, and I'll decide whether its worth going back to heal them," The angry expression never left Adrian's face.

"Oh you decide now who is _worth_ saving," he said, his voice dripped in sarcasm.

"It's my decision who I heal, Adrian!" I shouted. He glared at me, not responding. We both stood there for a moment, tempers flared, electricity snapping between us. I saw Adrian's eyes soften then, he sat down into a chair and his posture slumped. My expression turned to concern. I knelt next to him. Whoever this person was, Adrian was desperate. I'd never seen him like this before. He had always been so carefree and light about everything, even serious situations. This person must be very important to him. Dimitri poked his head into the room then. Our eyes met. "Lets go to the dining room," I coaxed gently. He stood and we both walked to an adjacent room together. Dimitri had set out three places at the large oak table. Adrian and I took our seats as my husband entered with a large plate of food.

Halfway through an extremely quiet, extremely awkward dinner, I tried again,

"Is it someone I know?" I asked. Adrian groaned. Dimitri continued eating, not acknowledging the conversation in any way.

"I can't tell you, Lissa," he said. I glared.

"Then I'm not going, Adrian," I countered, "It's too much trouble for someone I don't even care about,"

"Shouldn't it only matter that_ I'm_ asking?" he asked, "Don't you trust my judgment enough?"

"I haven't seen you in ten years! And we didn't particularly leave on good terms! How do I know you're not just using me?" I asked angrily. Adrian looked hurt then. His eyes locked onto mine and I regretted my accusation.

"Do you think I would really do that to you?" he asked. I didn't respond. He looked down at his hands, "I can't heal her, Lissa," he said, "I tried," I was surprised then. If he had already tried to heal her, then why didn't it work? What was different about his power that I would be able to heal something that he couldn't? And what was special about her ailment that wouldn't be healed by spirit? Even death could be healed by spirit. Also, Adrian had accidentally given me a clue. It was a woman.

"What's wrong with her?" I asked, hoping he would give me more information. He looked away from me, his expression pained.

"I don't know," he said, "That's why I can't help her. I have no idea what to heal," I didn't know what to say. I shoved a forkful of food into my mouth. Dimitri looked up at us then, curiosity in his eyes.

"Why do you think she can do better than you can?" he asked. Adrian's eyes snapped to Dimitri's then. He looked surprised that he even spoke.

"I have to try s_omething_," he said, "She's deteriorating right in front of me," then, a thought occurred to me,

"Is it someone you love?" Adrian met my eyes and I knew I was right. Adrian was trying to save someone that he had fallen in love with. That realization changed things significantly. Adrian loved this woman enough to travel across the world and find me, when I was virtually impossible to find. I needed to consider that it took a lot for Adrian to come to me. I gave Dimitri a significant look and he immediately stood and left the table. Adrian watched him leave, then turned to me.

"You are really going to have to tell me _that_ story sometime," he said, nodding to where my husband left. I shrugged.

"What is there to tell? We got married," I said. He scoffed.

"Because you love each other, right?" he asked. I narrowed my eyes.

"It's none of your business, Adrian," I said, "Tell me about this woman,"

"Girl," he corrected me, "She's a dhampir. Only nine years old," he explained. I nodded. Why was Adrian going through so much effort for a dhampir girl? I pushed the question back and listened to him, "She won't come out of her dreams," he said slowly. I paused and gave him a questioning look.

"What?" I asked. He seemed to think about how else he could phrase it.

" She's in a coma or something, I don't know what to call it. She's alive, and she's all there mentally, but she stays in a constant dream," he said miserably. I gasped.

"How long has she been like that? How did it happen?"

" For a month. And she stayed with one of her friends from school for a week. When she came back, she felt tired and gradually got weaker and weaker until she wouldn't wake up at all," he explained. I listened carefully, analyzing each detail in my mind. None of it made any sense, although I knew that Adrian wasn't lying. Then, I made the decision.

"Alright," I said, taking a sip from my wine glass, "We'll go," Adrian shook his head.

"Just you," he said. I laughed out loud. Not only did I want to have Dimitri by my side, he would never let me go alone, "Lissa, I'm being completely serious," he said. His expression was grave and desperate. The smile was wiped from my face.

"I can't go without Dimitri," I said, then I stared at him suspiciously, "Why don't you want him to come?"

"I hate him," Adrian said simply. I scoffed.

"Your dislike for my husband is not going to interfere with my protection," I said. Adrian still shook his head,

"There will be Guardians there, Lissa," he said, "Dimitri cannot accompany us," he insisted. I stood up then.

"Adrian," I started picking up plates and glasses. Adrian made no move to help me. I had forgotten that he was royal, "Dimitri's company is not negotiable," I said finally and went into the kitchen before he could protest. Dimitri was leaning against the refrigerator, sipping his wine. He looked smug. I smiled seeing his expression. He was pleased that I defended his presence. I put the dishes in the sink and went back into the living room. Adrian looked up at me, displeased. He realized that he had nothing to bargain with. I was only going back because our history of being friends and my heart broke seeing the pure desperation in Adrian's request.

"We'll leave tomorrow," he said. I nodded and showed him the guest room where he could get some rest.

Dimitri was staring out the window when I came out of the bathroom. I went over to him and put my arms around his waist. It was an unnatural position for us, but we both took comfort in the familiarity of it. He leaned back into my embrace and put his arms over my hands.

"What are you doing, Vasya?" he asked softly in Russian. I knew he was talking about agreeing to Adrian's request.

"I am too softhearted," I said. I felt him nod.

"It's going to hurt," he said, "going back there again," I barely heard him.

"I know,"


	3. Dark Dreams

It was an extremely long, grueling flight. Adrian had a private plane, of course, but the anticipation of seeing my old home and people that Dimitri and I had left behind, was more than I could bear. Dimitri, always dutiful, remained by my side during the trip and sent me anxious glances every now and then. He could sense my tension and nervousness. To pass time, I studied Adrian, who sat across from me. He lounged back into his chair and appeared to have a very laid-back posture, but as he stared out the window, I could see that he was a lot more nervous than he wanted us to see. His behavior filled my mind with questions. What did he have to be nervous about? Why was he so adamant about Dimitri staying in Siberia? What was he NOT telling us? I found myself dozing after a few hours into the air. Dimitri sat in the seat next to me and encouraged me to rest. Soon, I was dreaming.

I knew it was a dream when I looked around and saw that I was in Toronto. I knew what was coming next. This is where it all happened. We were on a trip together. There were eight of us, Christian, Adrian, Me, and Adrian's girlfriend, Sonya, and our guardians. Rose was Christian's guardian then, Adrian and I had brought one of each of our own guardians, and Sonya had her guardian, Jakob. Christian and I wanted to see an art exhibit that was opening there and Adrian wanted to come with Sonya. Rose and I hadn't spent much time together since she was assigned to Christian. He went to a university in Vermont, away from Leigh. We were all excited for this trip. It was our spring break and we were eager to get away from studying.

"Lissa, do you think I could borrow this dress?" Sonya purred. We were sharing a room at the Merlott resort in Toronto. It was a block away from the exhibition center where the gallery was opening. We arrived a day before the premier and decided to go into the city for a while for a night on the town. I poked my head out of the bathroom and saw her standing there with one of my bright blue party dresses in her hand. I didn't mind Sonya. She was in my class at the university and was really sweet for a royal. Her short, curly brown hair hung around her shoulders, making her already thin face look gaunt. I wrinkled my nose. She would look terrible in that dress.

"It's the only one I brought," I said. She nodded and put it down again. I went back into the bathroom. I knew that Rose was jealous that she couldn't party with us. She was on duty though and took her duty very seriously. The other guardians weren't excited about us going to a nightclub, but Adrian found one near the hotel, and they reluctantly relented. We also reminded them that we had Rose. If there was any danger, she would be the one to take care of it.

After Sonya and I had efficiently decorated ourselves for a night of partying, we met the boys in the lobby. Rose and Jakob were our near guard. I noticed the other guardians inconspicuously lingering away from us. Rose looked fantastic. She wore a dark blue dress that was loose enough for her to move around in, if she had to. Her dark hair curled around her neck, covering up her _moljina_ marks. She wore a light layer of makeup and some glitter on her nails. I could vaguely catch the outline of a stake in between her breasts and grinned. She immediately looked at me and turned red. She must have heard what I was thinking when I saw it. Adrian looked spectacular when he arrived and took Sonya's hand. She turned to mush and giggles and I laced my fingers with Christians. He spiked some of his hair and smelled freshly shaved. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. Then, we set out. Walking in heels were always a pain, but Adrian wasn't kidding when he said the club was a block away, we were only walking for a few minutes when we could hear the music pulsing and the crowd laughing and talking. We passed a few open alleyways that the guardians made certain were clear before we walked by. I was very glad we had Rose. I knew that she would keep us safe.

It was around three in the morning when we all began heading back to the resort. Most of us were pretty far along, myself included. I remember Rose was holding my shoes and we had to stop a few times for me or Sonya to throw up. Christian seemed to be alright, but I'm pretty sure I remember him slurring some words. Adrian was beyond gone. He hung all over Sonya and was practically having sex with her on the side walk. It was when we were nearly to the hotel when Rose stopped moving. She dropped my shoes and had her stake in her hand almost instantly. I felt fear grip me which sobered me up slightly. The other guardians were immediately just as alert. Christian held my hand tightly. I was having trouble focusing. Adrian was singing some drinking song and Sonya was laughing along with him. They hadn't noticed anything out of the ordinary. Sonya let out an ear piercing scream when the Strigoi stepped out of the shadows.

Rose was fast. She went for it, but I flinched hard when I heard the sickening sound of skin on skin as he backhanded her across her face. She staggered, but recovered quickly and went for it again. This strigoi was extremely fast. He smiled sickeningly as they fought, as if he considered it child's play. I watched Rose loose and gain ground. The dress she wore slowly became more and more tattered. Jakob was now involved, the far guard had come closer to protect us, and he could afford to fight back. The Strigoi attacked them with ease, dodging their blows as if he predicted them. The four of us were huddled together, the other two Guardians watching for more Strigoi. They didn't expect one to drop from the sky. I screamed as Christian shoved me away from him, keeping me from being taken with him, the female Strigoi was fast, not as fast as the male, but she had ripped out Christian's throat before Adrian's guardian had swiftly shoved his stake into her heart. She dropped to the ground with Christian. I screamed again, loud and agonizing. Then, everything slowed. I felt like I watched in third person. Jakob had tried to stake the Strigoi, and had been thrown backwards, his head made a loud crunch as he hit the concrete sidewalk. I put my hand to my mouth in horror. I watched my guardian immediately swoop in to aid Rose. Rose was losing. I didn't know it was possible, but watching her moves, her actions, strictly defensive, she was gaining no ground and she was losing too much. I looked back to Christian who was lying in my arms, I called upon spirit to heal his wound, but the alcohol clouded my mind, I was far too drunk to heal him.

The realization that he was dying hit me like a ton of bricks. My mind swam and my vision blurred. His eyes stared into mine and for a moment it was just us. I kissed him. I tried my magic again, one last desperate attempt, I couldn't get a grip on it.

"Please," I cried, "Please don't," I begged desperately as his grip on my hand became weaker and weaker, "No!" I cried out. I began crying heart-wrenching sobs. I screamed, "NO!" his hand slipped out of mine and his eyes stared at nothing. Christian was dead.

"Run," Rose's voice brought me out of my brief haze. I looked back up at her. I saw that my guardian was dead on the sidewalk, his eyes staring in surprise, "Run!" she croaked at us. She blocked another blow, and hissed in pain. She now favored her right leg. I felt Adrian's guardian jerk me to my feet and the three of us ran as fast as we could to the resort, leaving Rose. Running was hard considering our condition, but the guardian was strong and fast and drug us when we slowed down. We finally made it to safety, meeting no more Strigoi on the way. Rose never came back.

"So that's how it happened," Adrian's voice brought my attention from the scene before me. I looked up and saw him standing near me. It was the Adrian from the present, so I knew that he was dream walking.

"What do you mean?" I snapped, "You were there," he nodded.

" I don't remember that night," he said," When I sobered up the next day, Sonya told me what happened. I didn't believe her," I was angry then.

"You were there," I repeated. He looked very sad.

"I know, That's what makes it so terrible, cousin," he said. He looked up and met my eyes. "Are you ready to meet her?" he asked. I inhaled and exhaled deeply.

"I suppose," I said reluctantly.

**Nov. 1, 2010 Authors Note**

**I'm sorry to say that it will be a few days before I can post anything else. My man is coming home from deployment. I promise that I'll be working on it. I know I sort of left you on a cliff hanger. I hate it when people do that to me, so I'll be working as fast as I can. **


	4. Arrival

My dream flashed instantly. All I saw was white. I felt Adrians hand in mine. Then, in an instant, the flash was gone and we were sitting in a meadow. Adrian was wearing a white tuxedo with a matching white top hat. I vaguely wondered if he would get grass stains from where we were sitting. I looked down and saw that I was wearing an extremely floral pastel dress that I never would have picked out for myself. I wore gloves on my hands and an elaborate hat on my head. My long blonde hair was up in a neat bun. We both looked like a picture straight out of the 1800's. Adrian stood up and held his hand out, helping me. We began walking through the meadow.

It was beautiful. The grass was the perfect shade of green and the cloudless sky, the perfect blue. There were trees all around us and the sun shone on them just right, giving the meadow an almost hazy appearance. Adrian seemed content with our surroundings as if he had been here before. I stared around us in awe.

"Where are we?" I asked in wonder. He shrugged.

"Wherever she wants us to be," was his cryptic answer. He held out his arm and I took it. He led me to a bench nearby that I hadn't seen before. Perhaps it hadn't been there before. There was a child sitting on it. I only saw her back, and her dark brown hair spilled in soft waves to her waist. She was swinging her legs since her feet didn't touch the ground.

She was reading a book; I could see it peeking around from behind. She didn't turn when Adrian and I approached. She, also, was dressed in Victorian attire.

"Nadia," Adrian spoke to her and her feet stopped swinging. His voice was stern, "Don't be rude. Please turn around," he said. She sighed dramatically and set her book down next to her. She swiveled around and crossed her legs onto the bench. I gasped. All of the breath left my chest.

"Vasilisa?" What is it? Are you alright?" Dimitri's voice. My eyes snapped open. I was awake now. Adrian was staring at me from his seat across from me. His expression was very carefully blank. Dimitri heard me gasp and I saw the concern written in his face.

"Oh," I breathed. I gave him a small smile and touched his hand reassuringly, "I'm sorry, Dimka, it was only a dream," I said. He looked relieved, but still troubled as he sat back in his seat. I locked eyes with Adrian. He gave me a pointed look, but I already knew not to tell Dimitri about the dream, about the little girl, the little girl that looked exactly like Rose.

I wanted to go back to sleep. I wanted to see her again, but sleep eluded me. Before I realized it, we were flying into a small terminal in Maryland. Adrian had a house there that he inherited. At the airport, Dimitri agreed to get my bags, leaving me alone with Adrian.

"She's her daughter," the words that I had been holding back slipped out before I could stop them. I felt immense relief just saying them out loud. Adrian didn't deny it.

"yes," he said.

"How?" was the next question that was burning in my mind. How was it that my best friend for my entire life had managed to hide something as big as a pregnancy from me? Why didn't she trust me with that information? Why didn't she leave Natasha with _me_ when she died? I was her closest friend, practically her sister!

"She told everyone that she was in Canada," Adrian said. I remembered that "assignment". She told us that she had orders to go to Vancouver for some sort of Guardian station. She was gone for a year. She called nearly every day, though. I couldn't believe that while I talked to her on the phone, she could have had a baby with her.

"She wasn't in Canada?" I asked weakly. Adrian shook his head.

"She was in Idaho with some of her father's friends who helped her through the pregnancy," he explained, "She was going to tell you about Nadia after she gave birth, but as soon as she was assigned to Christian, we went on that trip to Toronto, She—"

"She never got the chance," I finished his thought. He nodded. It still didn't make sense. Why didn't she tell me she was pregnant in the first place? Dimitri came back then, he had two suitcases with him. He read something in my face although I tried to hide the new revelation from him. He gave me a questioning stare. Adrian spoke before Dimitri could,

"We can get a taxi to the estate. It's not far," I nodded and turned away from my husband. I had no idea how he would take the news. I had no idea how to tell him, then, I froze as a realization creeped into my head. I swiveled around and stared incredulously at Adrian who was hailing a taxi. Dimitri immediately noted my expression. He was frustrated that I wasn't telling him what was bothering me. When the cab pulled up to the curb, Dimitri loaded the bags into the trunk and slid into the back with us. He was hiding his frustration very well under a cool, indifferent pallor. I knew better though. He wanted to talk to me as soon as we got to the house.

Of course, arriving at the Ivashkov estate, I realized that it was definitely not a house. It was a grand manor. It didn't surprise me that Adrian's family had a house here. I surveyed it as we stepped out of the taxi. It was old, but it looked like it had modern updates. A few guardians came out of the house as Adrian paid the cab driver. I could sense that dawn was approaching and I was beginning to feel tired. Adrian must have read me like a book,

"Peter, show Princess Dragomir and Guardian Belikov their room," he ordered one of the guardians who was approaching. Peter was a short man; he had cropped blonde hair and a splatter of freckles across his nose. He appeared to be about nineteen. At the mention of Dimitri's name, his eyes widened and he stared in shock at Dimitri, who was busying himself with my bags. Dimitri was a legend. A guardian, turned strogoi and then turned _back_. It was epic. Peter instantly swooped in and helped him. Dimitri awkwardly obliged, not used to people helping him.

Peter led us into the house and I looked around in amazement. As we entered a grand foyer, my eyes found themselves staring into a large portrait of a beautiful woman. After further scrutiny, I recognized a very young Queen Tatiana Ivashkov. My heels clicked and echoed on a solid marble floor. Dimitri was very close behind me. I felt his hand slip into mine as we walked into a long corridor. The marble turned into a very plush, luxurious cream carpet and the walls had very expensive looking wood paneling. Portraits of what I could only assume were Ivashkovs covered the walls. Finally, Peter came to a stop at a pair of French doors.

"This is your suite," he said. I was amused to see that his eyes stared at Dimitri in amazement.

"Thank you, Peter," I smiled serenely at him. Dimitri opened the doors and I followed him in. Peter trailed behind us with my bags. We entered a large living room area that I instantly fell In love with. It was decorated with a mixture of modern and antique furniture . There were large windows with beautiful green curtains. I realized that the curtains were the perfect heaviness to block out light if I wanted them to. I stepped further into the room and admired the cherry wood floor and the very large, jade green decorative rug that sat beneath the furniture.

"You're bedroom is through this door," Peter had gently laid my things on the decorative ivory couch and he was walking towards another set of french doors. He opened them, revealing a bedroom that matched the living room to a key. The ivory cream colord bed set were set off against the cherry wood bed post. I covered my mouth with my hand in awe. Dimitri was already looking out the windows, always vigilant about my safety. I explored the suite and discovered a smaller bedroom, a very large bathroom and an equally large closet attached to the living room. I decided that I loved our new lodgings and I was glad that Adrian had invited us.

Then, my musings were brought to a direct halt. I had almost forgotten why I was here. It wasn't a vacation. This wasn't a luxury trip to a grand resort. This was a rescue mission. Roses' daughter was in trouble. I had to save her. Dimitri brought me out of my thoughts.

"Tell me," he said. I noticed that Peter had left and it was just the two of us. I smiled at him sadly. I wasn't going to lie,

"I can't yet," I said, "but I will," he didn't look hurt, so I was relieved. He looked impatient, but he took a deep breath and kissed my forehead.

"As long as it does not interfere with me keeping you safe," he said meaningfully. I nodded understanding.

"I will tell you if it does, Dimka," I said in Russian. He gave me a small smile and thanked me.


	5. Unexpected Betrayal

Adrian met me in my dreams almost as soon as I closed my eyes. He was wearing a navy sweater and dark jeans that looked like they cost a small fortune. I noticed that this time, I was wearing a pale yellow blouse with a long, flowy black skirt, not something I would particularly pick out, but it did look good on me. I looked around and saw that we were in the house. We were standing in the foyer, in front of the late Queen's portrait. Adrian was looking around curiously. I saw that it was evening, and a very large, elaborate, crystal chandelier hung from the domed ceiling.

"Where is she?" I asked. Adrian opened his mouth to answer me, but another voice spoke first.

"I'm here," it was small, and high pitched. A chill ran over my spine how close it echoed Rose's. I turned around and found Nadia standing right behind me. She stared up at me with a fierce expression, familiar eyes bore into mine and I took a step back, reaching for Adrian to steady me. Those eyes. I knew those eyes, the familiarity of them washed over me and sent daggers shooting into my heart. I felt, I felt betrayed. An overwhelming wave of nausea hit my stomach and I needed to sit down. This was too much. This was all too much. I had to go. I had to go home, back to Siberia, back to the comforts of my house. I had to get away from this child, this dream, this nightmare.

Nadia observed me with surprise and curiosity. She had no idea why my reaction to her was so dramatic. She crossed her arms over her chest and flipped her long hair out of her face.

"Who are you?" she asked me, I couldn't answer her. I couldn't tear my eyes away from hers. Adrian stepped forward.

"This is Lissa, Nadia," he said, "I told you about her, remember?" the little girl nodded.

"The one who's going to heal me," she said,

"_Try_ to heal you," Adrian corrected. Nadia rolled her eyes and my heart twanged at the familiar movement. I snapped my eyes away from the girl and forced myself to wake up.

I awoke gasping, sitting up in the bed. Dimitri was instantly alert next to me, staring at me with worried eyes, and speaking quickly in Russian,

"What is it? What happened?" he asked. I looked around the room, trying to calm myself before I hyperventilated. It wasn't working. Dimitri returned with a paper bag. I hadn't seen him get up, I was so distracted. I began breathing into it, my head between my knees. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. He was staring at me intently. His eyes were begging me to tell him what was happening. I heard a knock on the door. Dimitri glanced up and reluctantly left me to answer it. He soon returned with Adrian behind him. They both looked at me worriedly, but Adrian knew exactly what was wrong. I glared angrily at him and my breathing evened out. I stood and took a step towards him. Blind rage consumed me as I stared at him. He knew. He knew this entire time and he hid it from us. He hid it from me, just like Rose did. Everyone did. Everyone hid it from me. Adrian was the only one I could get my hands on. I leapt towards him, my arms stretched out, to wrap around his throat.

Before I even touched Adrian, Dimitri had gently restrained me. He was surprised at my sudden outburst of rage. All I could do was glare at Adrian and attempt to compel him and torture him. He was strong though and resisted my compulsion. He looked grave.

"What have you done to her?" Dimitri demanded furiously. Adrian looked up at him.

"I have done nothing!" He exclaimed angrily, shocked that he was being accused,

"Liar!" I spat the word, struggling against Dimitri's strong grasp. He held on to me effortlessly, "You hid this from me, you come to _MY_ home, interrupt _MY_ life with this, and you expect me to _HEAL _that child?" My voice echoed in the room, I was nearly sure I had never raised it this high before in my life.

"Cousin-," I interrupted him,

"How dare you!" I screamed,

"Vasilisa!" Dimitri's cold voice in my ear brought my attention to him immediately. He was staring down at me, no longer patient, "Tell me what is happening," he demanded. I looked back over to Adrian and answered Dimitri's question,

"This child, this little girl," I said, "She's Rose and Christian's daughter,"

**November 3, 2010 Authors Note**

**Haha Now that I've rocked your world, bring on the flames. I promise you though; this story is still worth reading. I know that you're all interested in *Why?* **

**BTW, I'm going back and changing Nadia's species. I had forgotten that Dhampir+Moroi=Dhampir. Sorry. **


	6. Sharing the pain

Dimitri released his hold on me immediately. I hadn't realized how hard I was fighting him, because I stumbled and fell unceremoniously onto the floor of our suite. After I had picked myself up and sheepishly dusted myself off, I turned to my husband. He was looking at me with a completely unreadable expression. My anger towards Adrian forgotten, I went and stood in front of him. I almost wondered if he had heard me, but I thought best not to repeat myself. His blank eyes then turned into shock, then concern, then anger, then back to shock again. I looked up at Adrian who was not looking at Dimitri, but at me.

"Adrian," said, then stopped. I had no words. He seemed to understand enough though, because he nodded, turned and strode out of the room. Dimitri hadn't moved an inch. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. I felt foolish for not thinking about who the father was when I saw Nadia for the first time. I had assumed it was Adrian. Seeing Christian's eyes, it did something to my soul. I felt like there was a part of Christian left in Nadia. I felt anger, extreme and complete anger towards Rose. The betrayal cut deeply into my heart. I never imagined Rose would do something like this to me. I felt anger towards Adrian for hiding Nadia for all these years, and for having the audacity to come to me for help. I wanted to feel anger towards Christian, but the only feelings I could muster toward him was unrelenting, incapacitating pain. I shoved it back. I couldn't handle it now. I couldn't deal with it. Then, I realized, I had no right to this child. She wasn't mine. Christian and I weren't married. The only attachment I had to her was the passion I felt for both of her parents. There was no reason for Adrian to tell me about her, although I would have loved to have known.

I looked at Dimitri. He looked as if he had swallowed something particularly nasty. His eyes were dark and blank and he had lost all color in his face. His arms hung limply at his sides. He let me gently push him into a sitting position on the bed. I realized that we were in very similar positions, Dimitri and I. The love of his life, and the love of my life, both killed that terrible night in Toronto, had a child together. What a sick and cruel world we lived in.

I tucked a stray strand of hair behind his ear. We had been sitting there, facing each other for a few minutes now. He wasn't shell shocked anymore; we were just trying to figure out what to say to each other.

"It hurts," I said softly, glancing out the window. The colors in the sky indicated that the sun was setting. A new day was beginning. Dimitri glanced at me when he spoke. He saw the pain reflecting in my eyes and I saw a dam break. His agony reflected my own. He felt just as betrayed as I did. We sat there for a few more moments of silence. I tried my hardest to keep the tears back. My heart ached so terribly.

"You saw her in the plane, in your dream," he said, breaking the quiet. I nodded, thinking back to how worried he looked when I awoke from seeing her in my dreams.

"She looks just like Rose," I swallowed, "except for the eyes," I took a deep, ragged breath as Nadia's eyes haunted my memory. Her beautiful eyes that she inherited from her father. Dimitri studied my expression.

"It must me hard," he said, not knowing what else to say.

"It's hard for you too, Dimka. You loved her," I said quietly. He shook his head,

"you loved both of them. And Rose and I weren't together," he said," It's a double betrayal to you," I visibly flinched as his words sliced me open. He seemed to realize how hard they were and apologized, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound so blunt," he said, horrified that he had hurt my feelings while I was already hurting.

"No, you're right," I agreed with him quickly, "It _is _a double betrayal," We just sat together on the bed, completely wallowing in equal misery.

"What do you want to do?" he asked after a while. I knew he was talking about the next step. Would we stay and help Nadia? Would we go back to Siberia? That was exactly what I wanted to do. I wanted to jump on the first plane and run away, back to the corner to lick my fresh wounds. Dimitri stared at me, watching my internal battle with more understanding than I thought possible. He enveloped me into a comforting hug, "I'm here for you, Vasya," he said. I closed my eyes and nodded my thanks, taking comfort in his embrace. I knew that Dimitri and I would never be in love, we would never feel the passion that we had felt for the ones we had lost, but we would always have each other. We understood each other. He knew that I couldn't just leave Christian and Rose's daughter, no matter how painful it was for me to face my past.

Dimitri and I finally came out of the room around lunch time. Adrian had sent Peter to let us know that he would be in his study for the majority of the day. If we felt comfortable enough to continue our visit, he would be available to talk to us there. He also wanted us to know that there were a few feeders available for my convenience in the kitchen. Dimitri insisted that I stop there first, and then we were on our way to the study, following Peter closely. It was a difficult decision to make, confronting Adrian, but with Dimitri by my side, I felt stronger.

Adrian was sitting at a very large desk when Peter led us into the study. It was more like a library in my opinion. Shelves and shelves of books lined the walls. Plush, comfortable chairs adorned smaller studying desks that held no comparison to the massive fixture at which Adrian sat. He had stacks of books surrounding him and papers full of notes in an organized mess. He looked up as we entered and looked almost relieved. He stood.

"I'm so glad you're—" I interrupted him,

"We need answers, Adrian," I said. My voice was like ice. He nodded gravely and gestured for us to sit down in a couch across from his desk. We did. After a moment, I spoke again, "Why didn't you tell us about her?" I asked. He leaned back in his chair, leaning his head on one of his hands. He suddenly looked much older than his thirty-four years.

"Rose made it clear to me that she didn't want anyone to know. I honestly don't even think Christian knew," he said. I suppressed a gasp. She hid this from Christian? I pushed my anger back. I was finding it more and more difficult to understand Rose's reasoning.

"But why didn't_ you_ tell us?" I repeated.

"What right did you have to know?" he asked. It was like a slap in the face. Dimitri's eyes flared, but he said nothing. He felt the same anger I was feeling. I opened my mouth to speak, but Adrian continued, "Rose appointed me Nadia's legal guardian in her will. She wanted me to take care of her. I think," he paused, "I think, that she was afraid you or Christian wouldn't want her," I inhaled sharply, "And she definitely didn't want _you_ to know," he added specifically to Dimitri.

"That's absurd! Of course I would have taken care of her!" I exclaimed. Adrian remained irritatingly calm.

"She also didn't want you to think differently of Christian, Lissa," he said. I glared. Christian had cheated on me. That pain ate at me. I felt raw, "Can I tell you that story? Can I tell you how it happened? Or do you not want to know?" he asked. I looked at Dimitri. He seemed indifferent. He didn't want Adrian to know how much it was bothering him. After all, he was never really "with" Rose, even though he loved her. I gestured for Adrian to continue. He took a breath and his eyes drifted as he remembered.


	7. The Story

"She told me what happened a little after she realized that she was pregnant. We were together then," he glanced briefly at Dimitri and continued, "She was in between assignments and was spending some time at court. You were already at school, and Dimitri, she assumed of course, was with you. Christian was at court too. She told me that she had run into him in the cafeteria and they had got to talking. They were both invited to a party one of the royals was having, so they decided to go together as friends. Christian looked like he needed to get his mind off of things, she said. She had no intention of, you know," Adrian swept his hand forward,

"Anyway, she told me that the party was a lot of fun. She didn't drink at first because she was watching Christian, but he drank a lot. I guess he got pretty toasted and started talking. She said that once he started, he couldn't stop. He told her about a fight that you and him had and how he didn't think you would take him back and how overall depressed he was." Adrian paused then, he seemed uneasy to go on, but I urged him with my eyes.

" Rose said that he made a move on her and she promptly pushed him away and was angry for disrespecting you. She was going to leave him there, but decided not to leave him drunk. She said she kept an eye on him from a distance and noticed—" he cut off, looking extremely uncomfortable, "she saw you with Natasha Ozera," he looked Dimitri in the eyes. Dimitri's mouth dropped in shock. We definitely didn't see that coming. I remembered why Dimitri was at court that week. Natasha was there with Christian and had requested Dimitri meet her. He refused to leave me at first, but I insisted that he go see her. He had left me reluctantly with my other guardian and met her for the day. He hadn't been there longer than that.

"She was pretty upset about it. Like, she was really torn up. She was not only shocked to see you there, but you weren't with Lissa. And you were with Natasha. She said that you weren't kissing or anything, but she hated that you would neglect your duty to Lissa to go to a party with Natasha. She was also extremely jealous. It really messed her up. She wasn't thinking straight when she started taking shots," he explained. I closed my eyes. I didn't want to hear anymore. I knew that Rose did stupid things when she was drunk. I also knew what was coming,

"Christian started hitting on her again I guess and she kissed him. She said she only did it to make Dimitri jealous, but I guess her mind was too clouded to interpret the difference between Christian and Dimitri, so it got a little far. They ended up back in her room. Neither one of them remembered the previous night, but it was obvious what had happened. Rose threatened Christian into not telling you. She said that she would take care of it," He took a deep breath, "In truth, I think that the two of them wanted to forget that night. It was full of regrets and serious mistakes," I wasn't looking at him now; my eyes were focused onto the carpet in front of me. I was hanging on to every word though. Every word that ripped into my heart, describing the betrayal.

"She found out a few weeks later when she was assigned to a new Moroi family in Denver. It was all very hushed up. She went to her father immediately, seeking help. He has a lot of clout in our world, you know. He made it so the records showed her on an assignment in Canada, while she went undercover and lived with some friends of her dad's in Idaho. I'm pretty sure, from what I've been told, Rose had every intention of giving Nadia up for adoption," I must have looked shocked then, because Adrian paused for a moment. He continued, "But something happened when she gave birth. She said that when she had Nadia, everything in her world changed," Adrian's eyes clouded at this point, "She told me that she had never cared for anything else more than she cared for that little girl,"

I felt a pang in my heart. I wish that I could have been there. I wish that I could have seen Rose at such a monumental moment in her life. Then, I realized that if I had been there, I probably wouldn't have shared Rose's happiness.

"Rose was going to stop being a Guardian," Adrian said. Dimitri's eyes snapped up then, locking onto Adrian's. He stared back, with the same intensity. Adrian knew the only statement that would bring Rose's true feelings to the table to Dimitri. He knew how much she loved her job. He knew how seriously she took her duty. To care about something more than being a Guardian, well, that was simply unbelievable, "She was going to tell Christian about Nadia and retire to raise her on her own," I stared at Adrian in shock.

Rose Hathaway? Were we still talking about the same person?

"Was she ever going to tell me?" I asked, barely able to find my voice. Adrian didn't respond immediately.

"She may have wanted to let Christian decide whether to tell you or not," I felt the bottom of my stomach drop. I felt sick, "She hadn't updated her will since Nadia's birth. That's why I was named her guardian instead of Christian. I adopted her," he explained, "Perhaps if the attack had happened a few weeks later, Nadia would have gone to Tasha Ozera, and things would have gone a bit differently," I stood up suddenly.

"I have to process this. Adrian, I'll call for you when I'm ready to really talk about Nadia, okay?" I took a step towards the exit.

"She needs you soon, Lissa," he said desperately, "Please,"


	8. Nadia

I was pacing. It was a habit that I had formed while Dimitri and I lived in Italy. The motion of back and forth, the steady steps and repetition had a tendency to sooth me. It wasn't working this time. Dimitri was leaning against a wall. As cool and collected as ever. We were just outside Adrian's study. The hallway was as far as I got before I started pacing. I turned to face my husband, fire in my eyes.

"What do you think about all this bullshit?" I asked, infuriated. Dimitri eyed me warily. It was rare for a curse word to escape my lips. His silence was aggravating. I envied his control. I wanted him to be as angry as I was. Inside, I knew that he was, I just wish he would _show_ it.

"What do you want me to say Vasilisa?" he asked, knowing that I was directing my anger towards Rose and Christian at him. "Rose and I were never together. I had no claim on her. I'm only angry because she hurt you like this," he said. I looked at him, shocked that the words even left his mouth. He looked just as shocked as I was. He had never lied to me before.

"If you don't want to tell me the truth," I started, he opened his mouth to speak, but I kept going, "then that is alright, but I would rather you said nothing than lie to me," he looked torn.

"It's not a complete lie," was his pathetic defense. I nodded. I knew that. We stood there in silence for a minute. I stared at the ground. Dimitri stared at me. "Do you want to try to heal her? Does hearing the full story even make a difference?" I stood there for a minute thinking. It was painful knowing the story of how Nadia came to be about. Though, it didn't take away from the part of me that wanted to heal the child that was trapped in her dreams. Nadia herself had done nothing to me and it simply wouldn't be right if I left her just because of Rose and Christian.

"What do you think I should do?" I asked Dimitri,

"I think you should do what you feel is right, Vasya," his usual cryptic answer. I sighed, then made up my mind reluctantly.

"Alright," I said. Dimitri only stared at me, again with the infuriating calm demeanor. I went back into the study.

Adrian was perched on the front of his desk, his arms and legs crossed in a relaxed position, but I could see the tension and nervousness in his expression. He stood up when I entered

"So?" he asked. I sighed

"Take me to her," I said.

When we walked through the door to Nadia's room, I didn't realize that I had expectations, but seeing the hospital sterile tile floors and white walls surprised me. There were no toys, posters, or even windows that I would expect from a nine-year-old's bedroom. Nadia's bed sat in the center of the room and she lay on top of it. Adrian motioned for a woman who looked like a nurse to leave and she bobbed out of the room quickly. I looked back at Nadia. She looked asleep; again I was taken aback by how similar she looked to Rose. Dimitri stopped in the doorway. I turned to look at him. All color had left his face. He stared blankly at the child in the bed. I couldn't imagine how hard it must have been for him. She had long, dark hair that was braided into a long plait. She was hooked up to monitors and IV's and I saw what I recognized as a feeding tube. She looked skinny and pale and weak and defenseless. My heart reached out to her. Adrian and I went to her side. Dimitri wouldn't budge from the doorway. He stared intently at Nadia. I hesitated, and then took her small hand in mine. There was no reaction. Her hand was limp and cold. I squeezed it gently. Then, I closed my eyes.

It had been a long time since I'd actually done any significant healing. Pulling at the magic of Spirit was an old familiar feeling that I gladly let consume me. Soon, I only felt me and Nadia. Her aura and her life joined into mine as I healed her body. I saw she had malnourishment and muscle weakness, I quickly took care of those. It was when I began to touch her mind that things got a little interesting.

To describe it as walking through a curtain of barbed wire would be accurate. I instantly felt the sting of resistance, but pushed back the urge to turn away. I fought through it with a lot of effort. Something was definitely keeping Nadia's mind restrained. Whatever it was, it was keeping me from healing it. I struggled for a while. My energy was fading. I could feel that I was stronger than this force, but I could also feel that I was out of practice. Soon, I pulled away, accepting defeat. I would definitely try again. At least I knew what to expect next time.

When I opened my eyes again, I found myself gripping Dimitri's hand. I didn't remember grabbing it, but I was grateful that he was there next to me. Adrian was sitting on the other side of Nadia, looking worried and haggard. I sighed, startling them both. I just realized how exhausted I was. Adrian looked at me, and then looked at Nadia, then back at me.

"What happened? Did it work?" he asked hurriedly. I looked down at Nadia, not answering him yet. I stared into her peaceful face in wonder. What was happening in that beautiful little mind?

"I will come back tomorrow morning. I want to talk to Nadia tonight if that's alright with you, Adrian," I said standing up. Dimitri and Adrian stood next to me. Adrian nodded.

"Yeah, no problem," When I started to walk, I felt my legs give beneath me. Dimitri's reflexes caught me in a heartbeat, but I was quite surprised at how weak I was.

"Perhaps in a few days," he said, lifting me into his arms with ease. His concern was touching, but I needed to get back to Nadia soon.

"No," Adrian's and my voice were in unison.

"Dimitri," I started," I'll use a feeder in the morning. I just need to rest. Nadia needs me," I insisted, meeting his eyes. He wanted to protest, but I awkwardly compelled him into letting me have my way. I hadn't compelled Dimitri in a long time. I surprised myself that compulsion still came to me easily.

As he carried me back to our room, I studied him. He wasn't looking at me. I wondered how hard it was for him to see Nadia. I wondered if it was just as difficult for him as it was for me. He denied his feelings for Rose. He took his responsibilities as my husband very seriously. I knew that he blamed himself for her death. I knew that he believes that if he had been there with us that night, instead of my other guardian, then Rose would still be alive, and probably Christian as well. For a long time I felt the same way. Even though he lived with me as my guardian and we interacted as friends, I blamed him. I harbored an unjust judgment on him that it was all his fault. It took me a while to face up to reality. Dimitri didn't know about the attack. Rose was as capable a guardian as he was. Perhaps things would have gone differently had he been there, but it was in no way, his fault.

Dimitri gently set me down in our suite. I quickly changed into my pajamas and crawled into the king sized bed. Dimitri was soon next to me, turning out the lights on the way. As we lay there in the darkness of the room, I reached out to him, and grasped his hand. He turned to me surprised. I didn't blame him. Dimitri and I rarely showed physical affection while in bed. We didn't want signs to cross usually. We had only been intimate twice in our entire relationship. Shocking? Not really. We slept in the same bed, we were comfortable in each other's presence, but sex was never a part of our marriage. He squeezed my hand back, as if encouraging me to speak.

"Dimka," I said softly. I found myself in his arms faster than I could take another breath. Dimitri was really good at this, sensing exactly what I needed when I needed it. As he held me, my dam broke. I sobbed harder than I ever had in my life in his arms. He smoothed my hair and kissed my forehead. He knew there was nothing to say. He knew there was nothing he could do.

I knew I was asleep when I found myself in the meadow again. I was wearing regular, modern clothes this time, and I found that I was alone. I stood up from the grass and brushed my jeans off. I looked around, remembering the familiar trees and flowers from the last time I had been there. I turned around and nearly cried out in surprise. Nadia was standing behind me. She was staring at me with a curious expression.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, her small voice ringing in my ears. I looked around, looking for Adrian, then I realized that I was the one who was dream walking. Not him.

"Nadia," I said softly, kneeling shakily to be at her level. She was wearing jeans and a black t-shirt. Her long dark hair was pulled into a neat ponytail. Her blue eyes pierced me again. She looked like a miniature version of Rose besides those eyes, "I'm Lissa," I said.

"Where's Adrian?" she demanded looking around.

"He's not here. I'm walking your dreams alone tonight," I said. "If you don't mind," I added. She looked slightly surprised, but not shocked.

"You're Vasilisa Dragomir then," she stated, "You're a spirit user like Adrian," I nodded. She sat down in the grass then, plopping down in a careless way that only a nine-year-old could. I slowly sat down with her.

"I am, but you can call me Lissa if you want," I said with a small smile. I tried very hard to push the pain back.

"You were friends with my parents," Nadia said. I sucked in a sharp breath, but nodded.

"Yes, I knew your parents very well," Nadia didn't seem to know what to say next, so I spoke again, "Nadia, do you know why you won't wake up?" she looked surprised, but didn't hesitate before answering me,

"They won't let me,"


	9. Unfiltered Love

"What?" her answer had taken me by surprise. "Who won't let you?" Nadia looked uncomfortable, she began glancing around.

"The dark things," she said quietly. I leaned in to hear her, "They follow me in my dreams, but Adrian keeps them out. He doesn't know they're there, but I can still see them in the shadows," I instantly looked towards the woods, the depths seeming much darker than they did a few minutes ago.

"Do they want to hurt you?" I asked. I was immediately defensive. I realized that I would protect Nadia from anything if I had to. My emotions surprised me a little. I had only just met her. Did I feel strongly for her because she was Christians? Or Rose's? or both? She shook her head.

"No, not if I stay dreaming,"

"Do you know why they keep you here?" I asked shakily. She didn't answer. She looked torn, but I gave her an encouraging smile, "You can trust me, Nadia, I'm trying to help you in the waking world,"

"I think that it's something my mom did," she admitted. My eyes widened. Nadia looked alarmed then, "Why? What did she do? Do you know?" she was getting scared. I cursed myself for letting my fear show. I smiled again.

"No, Nadia, no it's nothing to worry about, I'm sure. Please don't worry about it. I'll heal you when I wake up, okay? You won't have to deal with this again," she swiveled her head around towards the woods behind her.

"You'd better go," she said in a hushed whisper, "I can tell that they don't like you being here," I nodded and stood, mentally extracting myself from Nadia's dream as Adrian had taught me so long ago. I slept like a rock the rest of the night. The previous day's healing and the dream walking had completely exhausted me. I gladly welcomed the pure, empty blackness.

I awoke when I heard Adrian's voice outside the bedroom door. I groggily looked around and noticed that I was alone in the bed. Somehow Dimitri had gotten up out of bed without waking me. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and delicately touched the ground. I was still extremely weak. For an instant, I thought that perhaps I should wait a day or so before trying to heal Nadia's mind, and as quick as it came, I erased the thought. Thinking back on the dream walking I had done the night before, I knew that I needed to help her today. I stood, my knees still a little shaky. I could hear that Dimitri and Adrian were arguing in the living area of our suite. When I opened the doors, both of them stopped and turned to me. Dimitri looked angry, but Adrian looked desperate and relieved that I was awake.

"Why don't we actually let her decide for herself, Belikov?" Adrian asked angrily. Dimitri scoffed.

"Only because you know that she will do what you want," he said with equal vehemence. I knew instantly what they were arguing about and I felt a surge of angry impatience fill me.

"I will do exactly what I want to do, Dimitri, and you have no right to come in here and start ordering us around, Adrian Ivashkov," I snapped at both of them. I realized that Iwas not in the greatest of moods. I pulled on one of Dimitri's sweaters and left the room before either of them could protest.

I made my way into Adrian's kitchen where I knew a few feeders would be waiting for me. Just as I suspected, my strength and stamina instantly increased after a healthy consumption of blood. I then made my way to Nadia's room. I remembered the corridor correctly. I entered and saw the same nurse by the little girl's bed. She looked up, startled, when I entered. She wanted to tell me that I couldn't be there, but I absently used compulsion to get her to leave Nadia and I alone. I made myself comfortable on the side of the little girls' bed and took a minute to prepare myself. I stared down into her sleeping face.

She was going to be beautiful, like Rose. The only features I noticed she inherited from Christian were her eyes. Her complexion was dark and her body was petite and toned. She probably played outside a lot when she was awake. She looked so peaceful in her sleep, her face so innocent. You'd never guess that she was trapped inside that beautiful head. Whatever was keeping Nadia in her mind was strong. However, something inside me told me that I was stronger, I could just feel it. Whether this was some sort of spell or another spirit user controlling Nadia's mind, I had no idea. I knew that I had to be prepared, though. Nadia was probably right about it not wanting me in her dreams. It could sense that I was a threat. I closed my eyes again and put my hands against Nadia's head, letting Spirit consume me.

I soon felt it, the uncomfortable and painful feeling of walking through a curtain of barbs. It was dark. It was heavy and big, I couldn't place what it was, but I began pushing back. I felt that it was straining and I smirked and sent a surge of magic through it. I felt it give a little. I concentrated on healing, focusing myself solely on getting through the barrier to Nadia's head. I don't know how long I sat there, fighting with the darkness, but when I felt the barrier collapse a little, I sent another surge through it. I was getting slightly impatient and I could feel my strength lapsing a little. Before I could prepare for it, a loud shrieking erupted in my head. I screamed, but when I opened my eyes, I was staring into the warm, yet piercing blue eyes of Nadia Ivashkov.

I slumped back, exhausted, feeling the room around me spin. Nadia beamed when she saw me and the familiar smile made my heartbeat quicken. After talking to Nadia for a bit, I could decipher the differences between her and her parents. She was quite a charming girl. She threw her arms around me and I laughed, hugging her back.

"I saw you scare them away," she said brightly. I saw a sparkle of glee in her eyes. Then she looked behind me and her face lit up, "Daddy!" she squealed and I turned to see Adrian standing in the back of the room with Dimitri. I hadn't remembered them coming in, but dismissed it. They were both staring, stunned at the little girl. I was slightly surprised to hear her call Adrian "Daddy", but I felt foolish when I gave it further thought. Adrian had raised her. Adrian had cared for her. Adrian had sacrificed Rose's privacy and her intent to keep Nadia a secret for the well being of this little girl. He had traveled to Siberia to find me. He had very nearly begged me to come, putting himself in a position that Adrian Ivashkov was definitely not used to. Oh yes, he was definitely her father, and he was very much worthy of the title.

Nadia sprang up out of the bed, but Adrian was already halfway there and they met in the middle with a heart wrenching embrace. Adrian lifted the little girl up in his arms and she firmly wrapped herself around his neck. I looked away when I saw the tears in his eyes and the look of pure, unfiltered, complete love on his face.


	10. Conflicted

Nadia's and Adrian's reunion touched me. It was when my next emotion that reared its ugly head, that I was truly caught by surprise. On top of the anger and betrayal, and over all pain, I felt jealousy. Seeing Adrian's eyes, seeing his complete adoration for Nadia, a child that wasn't even his, sent waves of glorious green envy through my being. Nadia was part of the two most important people in my life. Why had I not been a part of hers? I felt like I should have known, I should have at least had the _inkling_ that something was amiss, while my best friend was in Idaho having a baby. I also felt, that she should be mine. Christian and I should have had a child. Not Rose. I felt the first tear fall, and Dimitri by my side. He tried so hard to be my knight in shining armor. Protecting me from everything that can cause me harm, but there was nothing he could do here. There's nothing he can do to keep my heart from breaking.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't heal you myself, " Adrian said quietly, after putting Nadia down and kneeling next to her. I could see the regret in his eyes. All these emotions coming from Adrian were becoming a little hard to bear. This new, completely selfless Adrian, was a difficult concept for me to grasp. It was the opposite of the person I had known when I was young.

Nadia was beaming at me when I looked down at her again. She gave me another hug and then looked curiously at Dimitri.

"Who are you?" she asked bluntly. I smiled at her.

"This is my husband, Dimitri," I introduced her, "Dimitri, this is Nadia," He gave her a small smile and shook her hand.

"Did you know my parents too?" she asked. Dimitri's smile twitched, but he nodded.

"Yes, I did," Nadia sensed that there was something more to it than that, but she didn't say anything. Adrian had whisked her up into his arms again, sending her into a squealing fit of giggles. I laughed seeing them together. Their happiness was contagious. It was a few minutes before Nadia mentioned to Adrian that she was hungry and they both left to get her something to eat.

I sighed in the silence, just now realizing that I was tired. Dimitri was intantly at my side. I brushed him away.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I just need sleep," I said, He stared at me intently.

"Are you okay?" he wasn't talking about my physical fatigue, I realized. I sat down on the bed again, he sat next to me. I shrugged.

"I'm jealous," I said simply. He nodded.

"I am too," he said. I looked at him, surprised. I felt a little guilty for not even considering Dimitri's feelings about Nadia and Adrian, "But not for the reasons your thinking," he corrected himself. He looked away from me then. I was curious now. I urged him to continue. He sighed. I noticed his eyes dashing around the room. He was regretting that he had said anything.

"It's just, I had always imagined having a family by now," he said softly. I froze, completely shocked at the avenue that this conversation was taking.

It had never once occurred to me to have children with Dimitri. After Christian's death, I had convinced myself that I could never love someone enough to want children with them. When Dimitri and I were married, we were clearly only close friends. We had never really discussed taking our marriage further than that. Did he want a family with me? He had never mentioned it to me before, and for some reason, I just assumed that we wanted the same thing. I mentally cursed myself for my own selfish stupidity. I had never even thought to wonder what he wanted. Hesitantly, I asked him,

"Do you want children, Dimitri?" I spoke Russian, trying to put as much gentleness in my words as possible. In an instant, I felt fear grip me. What did I want him to say? What if he said that he did? Did I want children? Better question: Did I want children with Dimitri? He shrugged and stood up.

"You should go back to the room and rest, Vasya," he said, gently pulling me to my feet. I opened my mouth to repeat my question, but closed it again. Perhaps I didn't really want to know the answer. Perhaps Dimitri avoided telling me because he knew that.

I slept peacefully the remainder of the day and through the night. When I awoke the next evening, I found myself alone in the large bed. I stretched out, feeling refreshed after so long asleep. I found Dimitri sitting in the lounge area of our suite. He smiled absently when I came in. I sat next to him.

"Did you want to head back today?" he asked. There was a silence. I stared at him blankly.

"Did you want to?" I turned the question around. He shrugged as if he was indifferent, but I saw something in his eyes. I knew he was hiding something from me. He had been doing that a lot lately. Hiding, lying, being aloof. I'd had enough. A flare of anger rose in me and before I could control it, I slapped my husband across the face.

He looked completely and totally stunned, almost as stunned as I probably looked. I hadn't hurt him, of course, but he certainly had not expected it, and his head tilted to the side slightly at the impact. I saw the angry mark inflame his cheek, and I felt the sharp tingle of my hand. He looked at the ground, then slowly, his gaze drew up to mine. I was breathing heavily, oddly enough, it had taken some energy out of me, and the anger slowly ebbed away. I stared at him, shocked. I brought my hand to my mouth.

"Dimitri, I'm sorry," I whispered. He stared into my eyes.

"Why did you do that?" he asked, not unkindly. He wasn't angry, he was genuinely curious. I shook my head, my hand still over my mouth, muffling my words.

"I don't," I started, "I'm not really sure. I just felt so angry." I gestured towards him, "You're so calm and put together while I'm so confused and I feel like I'm on the verge of a panic attack all the time! How can you feel _nothing?_! How can you feel nothing when you look at her?" I was yelling now, I knew that. I seemed to be doing a lot of yelling lately. I was having a lot of trouble controlling my anger. Dimitri sat, reserved on the couch, observing my tantrum with a collected expression, his usual collected expression. It only infuriated me further. I stood from my seat, "And even now! When I'm asking you to feel something, to give me some sort of indication that you care, you're frozen! Behind your stupid mask! Did you even care about _her_? I hadn't realized I had started yelling at him in Russian until my last words echoed through the room, I continued,

"You want children? You want a family? How can I start a family with someone who feels nothing! How can I be married to a man who has no emotions? What do you want? Tell me Dimitri! What are you feeling?" Dimitri wasn't looking at me now, he was looking past me, I could see hurt in his eyes and I instantly regretted my words. I didn't mean most of what I had said. It was the anger inside me that I couldn't control. I didn't mean to hurt him. I didn't know what I'd meant to do, really, but in a small, sick way, seeing some sort of expression in his face, comforted me.

We regarded each other in silence for a while longer; then, Dimitri stood and strode across the room, towards the door. I didn't stop him as he went through it. I looked down at the beautiful green carpet, my eyes stinging with tears.


	11. In my Head

I found myself in the bathroom. I'm not sure how long I sat on the couch and I wasn't sure how I even made the transition into a new room, but I opened my eyes and saw my arms. Three, long, thin streaks of red appeared on my creamy white skin. Slowly, they grew darker and darker until blood angrily oozed out of them in small, red beads. I gasped at the pain. It was divine. Then, I cried out, looking down at my arms in horror. I rushed to the water and rinsed the cuts. I found some bandages and quickly covered them up. I was shaking so violently, it was a difficult task. I went into the bedroom and sat down on the bed. I felt the dull throbbing of the wounds on my arms. They didn't feel good. It wasn't a good pain. I slumped my head into my hands and sighed. _What is happening to me?_ I hadn't cut myself since I was in school. Rose was the one who always helped me through these things. She was the one who I channeled these feelings into. Without her, I was a mess. I was yelling at people, hitting people, hurting myself. My magic was destroying me.

It was a while before I left the room. I had changed into fresh clothes and set out to find Dimitri to apologize. There was nothing I could do to take the words back. I knew that. I just needed to find him. I called his cell phone first, which was off. Then, I started wandering around the estate. I wondered briefly if this house had actually belonged to Tatiana herself. The long hallways were so decorated with luxurious carpets and tapestries. There were expensive looking ornaments on antique tables. I relished in the peaceful hallways until I came upon the entrance hall again. I stopped to admire the portrait of Tatiana, when I heard a faint voice coming from the nearby parlor. I have never been a particularly nosy person, but I recognized Adrian's voice immediately and slowly stepped over towards the door to hear better.

"I knew that already, Ivy!" he was shouting into a cell phone, I realized. I peeked into a crack in the door and could vaguely make out his shape, pacing the room, "Look, I want a doctor to see her before she goes back to the Academy. I just don't think it's right to push this," he said angrily, "No, no no, God, why are you being so difficult?" I heard the edge in his voice that reminded me of the Adrian I once knew. "I'll call you back tonight. I'm going to talk to her about this. If she wants to go back now, then she can," and I heard the phone hit the cushion of the couch as he hung up on whoever it was on the other line. I started to retreat back to the Entrance hall.

"I know you were spying, Lissa, you can come in now," he chuckled. I turned around slowly and saw him standing at the door with a smirk on his face. I felt like a child with my hand caught in the cookie jar. I felt my cheeks flush. I gave him an apologetic smile and went over.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to be so obvious,"

"It was your aura glowing through the crack in the door. I need to teach you how to hide it," he commented, throwing himself into a lounge chair. I sat down on the couch, next to the cell phone. Adrian sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. " I guess you heard most of that then, huh," he said. I didn't respond, unsure of the safe answer. His eyes met mine. "I'm not mad, Lissa, you can relax. It's just the headmistress of Nadia's school. Ivy Hetz. She wants Nadia to come back to the Academy," he explained.

"Why don't you want her to?" I asked. He looked away from me.

"We don't know what happened to her. I'm just scare—" he stopped, then corrected himself, "_worried_ that Nadia won't be safe," I nodded, following his train of thought.

In all honesty, I had no idea what had happened to Nadia, even though I was the one who healed her. I knew that something was keeping her unconscious, but I didn't know if it was a physical imprisonment or mental. I knew that Adrian was worried that it would happen again, and his worries were justified. We didn't know what caused it or what it was, or anything of the sort. Then, there was to consider what she had told me in her dream, how she thought that it was because of something Rose did. I voiced my thoughts.

"She said that? Does she know the reason?" I shook my head, sharing his exasperation.

"I don't know, Adrian," I said. I wrung my hands in my lap, feeling my sore arms. Adrian stared at me and cocked his head.

"There's something off about your aura, Lissa," he said quietly. I froze remembering him saying those words to me many many years ago.

We were at Vladimirs, it was the semester that he had come to live at the Academy. When he first discovered his Spirit influence. It was after one of our lessons together. I had gone back up to the room and felt the urge to cut myself. I knew that Rose hated it, so I resisted the urge, but my mind was still affected by the dark anger, the shadowy blackness that my magic imprinted in my heart. Adrian had taken one look at me and asked me about my aura. I explained about the cutting and the darkness that I suffered with. The darkness that I was probably giving to Rose.

Gently, as if he were handling a china doll, Adrian, reached out and unfolded my arm from my side. I didn't pull back as he lifted the sleeve to show the bandages on my arm. He flinched and looked away, I pulled my arm out of his grasp.

"It's been a while since I've healed anyone," I said. He nodded.

"I didn't think about what it would do to you," I shrugged. I know that even if it had, it would have been worth it. He still would have asked for my help.

"I've always had Rose to channel the side effects," It was different doing magic without her presence always there. Her bond with me eased the madness. I heard the phone on the couch next to me chime and I handed it to Adrian. He answered it briskly. I heard the brief one side of the conversation. Adrian stood.

"I have to go to work," he said. I must have looked surprised. He chuckled, "Yes, cousin. I do have a job. I'll be back in a few hours," he added, then left. I sat on the couch, looking around the lavish room, not even wanting to know what kind of job Adrian had.

As I sat there, I let the thoughts drift into my head. I laid my head back and closed my eyes. I was still angry at Adrian for hiding Nadia from me. I begrudgingly admitted to myself that I wouldn't have accepted Nadia unless a situation like this required me to, so Adrian did have a decent excuse. Rose had good reason to hide it from me, not that it made it right, my knowledge of Nadia would have destroyed our friendship. In fact, it probably had anyway. I found that I couldn't think of Rose the same as I always had. I couldn't remember her as the one who had died to protect me. I could only envision the woman who had slept with my fiancée and hid their child from me, hid everything from me. Then, my mind switched to Dimitri. He had sprung this whole idea of having a family so suddenly, it had my mind spinning. Dimitri held a very special place in my heart; he was my closest friend, my sole guardian, my protector. He had devoted his entire life to me, and I did the same when I agreed to marry him. I wanted him to be happy, but would having a child with him make me happy? Was that too selfish?

Then, my head wrapped around Nadia. I tried to remember every detail of the previous day and what I had done to heal her, my mind kept going back to the scream. It was the last thing I remember from being in Nadia's head. It was not Nadia's voice, nor was it mine. It seemed to be not an agonizing scream, but one in anger. It frightened me at the time. I briefly wondered if Nadia had even heard it. I reminded myself to ask her the next time I saw her. It was vital that the cause of Nadia's "coma" was found so as to prevent it from happening again. I was surprised at how passionate I felt towards the safety of the girl. I wondered if it was her parents influence? Adrians? Or if it was just Nadia herself, as a charming and contagiously pleasant person. I mentally shrugged. I had too much going on in my head to ponder the reason I was fond of Nadia, it only mattered that I was.

I stood up from the parlor and headed for the kitchen. Upon my arrival, I was surprised to find Dimitri and Nadia, sitting at the large breakfast table. Dimitri's eyes flashed up when I entered and he looked back down at Nadia. He looked extremely uncomfortable with my presence, as the little girl rattled on about something with a cheerful smile on her face. He sat there, patiently giving her his attention. I suppressed a grin. I went over and Nadia smiled wider at me, a radiant, beautiful smile that I couldn't help but return.

"May I sit?" I asked,

"Of course!" Nadia chirped, " I was just telling Dimitri about last semester when we finally started our physical defense classes!"

"Oh!" I said, interested, " Are you excited to start back up on those?" her face darkened suddenly and I wondered briefly if I had said something wrong, then a look of pure determination, one I had seen many times in my closest friend's face, took over.

"I'm a month behind already, but I_ will_ catch up," she said with such dedicated ferocity, that I not once doubted her. I smiled, remembering the same ferocity in Rose.

"Perhaps Dimitri can help you, he's a Guardian," I said looking up at Dimitri. His impassive expression didn't change until Nadia's face lit up.

"Oh can you? Can you please, Dimitri?" she asked enthusiastically. I looked at Dimitri, urging him on with my eyes. He stared at Nadia and slowly, a small smile formed on his lips.

"I can show you a few things, I guess," he said, I smiled.

"There, see, with Dimitri's help, you'll catch up to your classmates in no time," _Or maybe you'll be like your mother, and surpass them. _I added silently.

**Authors Note: November 22, 2010**

**I do love getting reviews of updated chapters. Please keep giving me your opinions of the story. I go back and read them to inspire me to keep writing if I've hit a snag in the story. Thank you all so much for reading. I appreciate it so much. **


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